It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
