Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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