I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It's never too late to be topless.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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