He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
how drunk are you?
Several
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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