My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
