I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize