Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
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