i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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