I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
