And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
