i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
