im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
