she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
