the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
