i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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