it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
