She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
There r osticjed everywhere
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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