I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
