my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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