look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
