Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Only a mothe r could love this liver
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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