sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
