Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
