Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
