u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
