Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
