In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
