I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
