At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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