summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
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