I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
