Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Randomize
