Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
