i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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