You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
