Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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