As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
