please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
