Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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