u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
