Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
