i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
