two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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