Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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