Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
