i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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