My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
