This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
