I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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