theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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