Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
