She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize