and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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