Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
