he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
