spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize