I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
