a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
