I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
