Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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