using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
