Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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