When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize