Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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