I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize