Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
