I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
