the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
