Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We got so high we made milksteak
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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