My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
