Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
We need to get me chipped asap
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize