some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
