I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
