I can text with my tongue
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
