I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
