my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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