i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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