is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
