I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
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