Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
