I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
