is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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