I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
