Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
