Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
