is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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