do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
