Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
