Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
