DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm bleeding and have questions
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
