the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I smell like Dick and happiness
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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