Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
