That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
