guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
