he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize