A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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