Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
