so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
