K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
