Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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