All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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