hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
