Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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