So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Vodka?
Forever.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
