When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize