its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Randomize
