Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
